I probably said that about fifty times today as I said goodbye to my workers. Today was my last day at work, and although I'll still be training my replacement on Sunday, this was the day that felt like my last.
I've discovered several things about myself in this process.
1) Although I'm often very hard on myself, and I don't feel like I meet up with my own expectations, I have lots of people out there who love me and look to me as a spiritual leader. Jesus tells us to be meek and humble, and although even I have my proud moments, I think part of my "take" on things may be a bit of what it's all about. If I thought I was fully capable of always handling the job, and I didn't think I did anything wrong, what would I have to aspire to? And how annoying of a boss would I have been? I always considered those around me to be better than me because if I could honor those around me as my teachers, then that helped me to be the leader I am.
2) It is possible to develop a very deep,
agape love for those around you. As I reflected on leaving and what made me so sad, I realized it was how much I cared for my staff. I said this a lot, "I'm not going to miss the job, but I'm definitely going to miss the people." You see, I've noticed in the two instances now that I've had teachers who worked under my directorship that after a while I would start using the possessive pronoun, "my." I have thought on this before, and I realize that in order to create a supporting, loving, and effective working environment that you have to care very much about the well being of those who work under your leadership. As director, I have become very protective of my entire staff because I care so deeply about them and their lives. And, as long as I know them, I will still always be very protective of them because of the friendships we share.
3) When I am following God's will, I feel a peace about where He is sending me, and I don't have to worry about the unknowns that lie ahead for me. I'm super excited about starting student teaching next week, and I know the God is going to provide for me as I travel down the path He has placed ahead of me.
4) It all comes back to prayer. It's kind of funny in a way, but as I feel a peace about where I'm being sent, I feel the need to petition the Lord with prayer all the more. I can handle burdens myself more often than I can handle those that I have placed upon others. I can feel Satan attacking my thoughts as I think of all the people I have left behind who now have a BIG transition to adjust to. I am seeking His face to give comfort and peace to everyone.
5) I know the end of the story. I remember a sermon once, where the speaker was talking about not knowing all the details about the end of our time, but he did say this. "I know this. In the end, we win." You see, as much love as I have for those around me, I know someone who has an even greater love for those He created. And, for my fellow Christians, I know that even though I might not see you daily in this life, that one day we will be spending eternity worshipping our Lord, Protector, Creator, and Redeemer. I have a very cherished friend at the daycare remind me today that there are lifetimes and there are seasons in our lifetimes. And, for me this is just a season of my life. We will be friends for a lifetime, and if I may extend it, we'll be sisters in Christ for eternity. I thank God that one day there will be no tears, no pain, no dying, no suffering and NO GOODBYES! Because once we get to Heaven we will rejoice in His presence. And, I pray that each and every one of you in my life will be in Heaven with me that day! And, if you don't know how to experience that joy, I'd love to tell you how.
I'll leave you on a much, much, much, less serious note. As I have said my goodbyes, I had some very kind teachers and parents who gave me gifts, kind words, food, and fellowship. I thought I would share some pictures of some of the presents I received today.