Hold me, Mommy

There is something about being a mom that is a bittersweet mix of being both heartwrenching and heartwarming.  I teeter back and forth finding the balance between fostering independence in my child and cherishing his need for me.  

Tonight was one of the many nights recently where I figured out I was being tested as a parent.  Benjamin would sleep in our bed every night if I would let him, but I know that he needs to learn how to sleep in his room.  He knows how to push my buttons.

"Mommy, hold me." It's a nightly ritual of tugging my heartstrings to try to gain a few more minutes awake in my arms, no matter whether he saw me five minutes during the day or all day.  And if there is a pitiful outpouring of tears, well...

Tonight I gave in, but not at first.  I thought, well he is just fighting sleep, per usual.

The thing is, I can't help but look at him lately and remind myself that our days of him crawling in my lap, cuddling next to me, and curiously tugging at my hair will be over in a blink of an eye. I know that one day he will decide he would rather shut himself in his room or hang out with friends instead of dogging my steps, hang on my shirt or pants, and saying "Whatch doin' Mama?  Can I help? can I watch?" 

I realize that his world is going to change in just a few more months, and all the time I devote to him will have to be shared between him and his brother...and he won't understand.

So, after trying to get a few things ready for tomorrow, I went into Benjamin's room to see why he wasn't asleep yet.

He said, "Mama, hold me, please."  (He says please when he really wants something.)

I said, "Benjamin, why do you want me to hold you?"

"Because, I want to hold YOU."

So I said, "I'll come back and hold you once I put up some food." (My breakfast for tomorrow which I had let cool off before putting in the fridge.)

MAMA, what is that?!

What is what, Benjamin?

What is FOOD? Can we eat it? (Oh my, I realized I had been duped, and I didn't even care."

I'm putting up my cooked eggs, Benjamin.  Do you want some? (He hates eggs.)

No.

So, we cuddled up on the couch in the living room with me trying not to completely give in by letting him sleep in our bed all night, and I enjoyed cuddling and talking to a two-year-old who was determined to find something to talk about to keep himself awake.

Here is my best attempt at a transcript of our conversation:

Mama, you blew bubbles yesterday.

Yes, I did.

I splashed puddles.

Yes, you did.

I can't splash puddles in my sleep.

No, not unless you dream about them.

God keeps me safe when I'm scared.

Benjamin, are you scared?

No.  Are you scared Mama?

No.

Is Daddy scared?

No.

Is Nana or Papaw scared?

No.

Is Christinana scared?

No.

What's da brudder's name?

Samuel?

Yeah, Is Samuel scared?

No.

(Pause) Is the shadow scared?

No.  I don't believe so.

Where do monster trucks live?

I would say in big garages.

They have big wheels.

Yes, they do.

Do they get muddy?

Sometimes.

So they get wet?

Sometimes.  Our cars and truck get wet and muddy sometimes.

Yeah, your car is wet...and muddy (Our driveway is a rutted mess of muck from  the snow and rain.)

Where is our house?

I told him our address.

Where is the church?

Ocoee Street

Ocoee Street?

Yes, South Ocoee Street.

Does Bruce have sharp teeth? (From Nemo)

Yes.

Does he like to eat?

Yes.

Does he eat fish?

Yes, sometimes, although he wants to be their friends..."Fish are friends, not food."

He wants to be friends?

Yes.  We eat fish too.

We do?

Yes. Like at Captain D's.

Where is Captain D's?

You go there with Grammy and PopPop.

Where is Captain D's?

APD 40

What's it called that can cut me?

A saw? (Josh has been doing home improvement.)

A saw.  It could cut me.  

Yes, saws are very dangerous.  They could really hurt you. Even Daddy is very careful because they can hurt him.

Can I play with them?

No.  Never.

Can I bounce them?

No.  Never touch them.

I need to be safe.

Yes.

They can't hurt me right now.

No.

What's that?

My lips (He reached up to find my face.)

Did the blue monster shrink? (Larry Boy)

Yes, it shrank because Junior told the truth.

It went away

Yes.

It was a space alien.

Yes, it was a pretend space alien that isn't real that grew big because it was a fib.

What did it say?

I don't remember.  It was mean.

It was mean.  It went away.

Yes.

What does Cookie Monster eat?

What do you think he eats, Benjamin?

Cookies.

Yes.

Do I eat cookies in our house?

Yes, sometimes you do...Okay, baby boy, it's time for you to go lay in your bed.

I can lay in my bed.

I love you sweet boy; sleep well.

And, he has.

Freezing cold fun

We warm blooded southerners have had to adjust this week as we have reached single digits and not climbed out of below freezing for the past few days. I was blessed with a holiday Monday, a cancelled inservice Tuesday, class Wednesday (but church was cancelled), no school today, and I will round out the week with a teacher work day tomorrow.

I tried to warm up the other night with this delicious meal shown below.  Unfortunately, it sealed my fate on what I kind of already knew...I have pregnancy induced heartburn/reflux.  Tomato soup and a balsamic vinaigrette were a no-no.  Seems that meals like this although tasty,  make me sick for hours only to eventually come back up.  Bleh.

So, after talking with the doctor I have figured out some diet modifications, and since I am already trying to figure meal plans out for my pregnancy induced glucose issues anyway, I will just try to stay away from reflux triggers.

Great news is that my carpal tunnel, although not entirely gone, has not been near as bad as it was in December and January.  My theory is that it was worsened by the joint pain/swelling which can be caused by parvovirus and stick around for a while.  Go figure.

Back to the cold...It snowed and stuck in our neck of the woods, and I praised God for helping me get home safely on some slick-ish side roads.  

The inch or so on our driveway, seen below, proved to be an issue for my little Corolla which has awful traction in snow.

After three attempts with spin outs I patiently waited forbmy husband to get home with our 4-wheel drive Explorer.  He was only about 20 minutes behind me.

I took some pictures.

Our road

My sleeping boy, who had stubbornly not taken a nap for his Grammy.

I called my mom.  I Facebooked.  I waited.  Lest you think me lazy for not trekking the less than quarter mile to the house, I didn't think it wise for my 22 week pregnant self to try to carry my over 30 pound sleeping child up a slippery driveway in 20 degree weather.  Last thing I needed to do was fall.

My hero arrived! 

He tried to get my car up the hill and encountered the same issue.  We ended up chaining my car behind the Explorer, and with me in neutral, he drug my little blue useless in snow car up our driveway.  Plan B would have been to leave it in our yard at the bottom of the hill.  But, we made it!

My car got a bit of mud slung on it. Lol

Josh went to work this morning in the Explorer.  We probably got about 2 inches total.  He took a few pics.

Benjamin and I played in the snow once the weather climbed to a whopping 12 degrees.  The sun was melting the snow anyway though.

This was after a healthy breakfast for me, of course.  I had bacon and sharp cheddar with my eggs (which I did fully cook...).

Benjamin did a lot of exploring.  I was impressed he could move as well as he could considering how many layers I had on him.  Lol

He would stop and jump sometimes.

I somehow managed to get him still and looking at the camera long enough for a picture.

He loved walking around in the snow.  I hated that he couldn't stay out longer, but the wind chill and the temps. Sheesh.

I coaxed him into taking a picture with me.  He even smiled. Cutie.

For a moment...stinker.

We enjoyed our day together.  We love a good snow day. ;)

Rash behavior

I guess I made the mistake of saying a few times (about Fifth's), "I think it's strange that Benjamin never caught it."

Well...

Saturday morning

Saturday evening

Sunday morning

Sunday afternoon (after running around A LOT in a warm room)

And Sunday evening.

Add to that the slightest come and go lacy rash on his limbs, and Dr. Mom and recent Parvovirus B19 expert has diagnosed him with Fifth's.  I'll confirm with the pediatrician tomorrow, and I'll confirm with my OB that there is no additional concern for me since I have already been exposed, had the virus, and have the antibodies present in my blood.  And, for those not familiar with this illness, now that Benjamin has the rash and "slapped cheeks" look, he is no longer contagious.  The best news for him is he never showed the other symptoms before the virus such as the runny nose, fever, etc.  He acted great yesterday.  He was however quite ornery for the first half of today, and I don't know whether to blame it on the virus or just on him being a two-year-old boy.  I am unsure of how long before the rash appeared that he was contagious, but it's probably safe to say at least a few days up to a week before.  Since he didn't have any of the other symptoms I have no way of really knowing.

So, that's what's new in our house.

I'll say it again as a pregnant woman who is going through this headache.  If you or someone you know if pregnant, and there is any inkling that you think you may have been exposed to Fifth's Disease (Parvorvirus B19) please contact your doctor to see if they want you to have a blood test.  It is better to be safe and take precautions than mess around with the nasty pregnancy complications that can arise.  We have been fortunate so far, and we are giving God the glory.  I've included information below in case you want to know more about the illness, or if you are curious about the symptoms that adults can develop with this virus.

The more you know:

CDC Fifth's info

Kid's Health Fifth's info

Mayo Clinic Fifth's info

4-day weekend

I've been cutting Benjamin's hair for a while now, and I decided the other day that he really needed to go back to see a professional for as least one visit because let's face it, I'm not that good at it yet.

I was running late in town (after an OB appointment I believe), and I found out that Josh already had a haircut for himself scheduled, so we crashed his appointment (with the permission).

Before:

After:

She did an absolutely fantastic job on it, and I'd be lying if I didn't say I was paying close attention to help me along in my at home endeavors.  Among other things I noticed that I really need to work more on thinning his hair and blending.  In the meantime he might end up with more professional haircuts before things like picture day.

Afterwards we went to Buffalo Wild Wings for dinner.  I enjoyed a lovely Cherry limeade.  God sent us a beautiful, fluffy white snow that evening.  It wasn't enough to stick to the roads, but it was enough to soak everything to the point that our freezing weather would make roads unsafe for the next day.  Alas, school was closed for Friday.

 Benjamin enjoyed extra time home with me while Josh went to work.  I spent Friday and Saturday doing an overhaul on my messy closet.

Athena helped me fold laundry.

 Sunday morning we went to church where Benjamin decided to wear sunglasses for most of Sunday School.

After church we grabbed some lunch and headed for an overnight trip to Gatlinburg.  We stopped at the Kroger in Sevierville, and Benjamin loved the car shopping cart.

 

We had a fantastic dinner that evening.

I love my sweet boy!

The next day we went to the Salt and Pepper Shaker Museum, Ollie's (in Knoxville), and Litton's (in Knoxville).  Pictures to come later.  It's time for bed!

An almost snow

We had a light snow in our neck of the woods today.  Benjamin asked at first if he could go play in the snow.  After he saw outside better he asked if he could go play in the mud.  lol

Playing in the mud is pretty much what he did too.  Since he was so keen on splashing in puddles his time outside was short lived.  I didn't think 30 degree weather and puddle splashing mixed very well.  

Our week at a glance

We had a very busy (last) week taking down Christmas decorations and cleaning the house in preparation for family and friends who came over on Saturday to celebrate January birthdays.  Josh's Mamaw turned 80 this year, and my mom has a birthday coming up on the 16th.  We took some great pictures, but those will have to come at another time.

My all day sickness is decreasing, but unfortunately my carpal tunnel (which plagued me for months of my pregnancy with Benjamin) is returning.  I've been sporting my wrist brace off an on to help it out.

A post is not complete without pictures of my sweet 2 1/2 year old.  

This was taken Sunday at church.

 

Benjamin tried on Papaw's reading glasses at Mamaw's and got a kick out of it.

I attempted to take pictures of my "bump" this evening.  I have yet to figure out the proper way to take a pregnancy shot.  The first one is me...errrr...relaxed.  The second one is a n attempt to "suck it in."  lol.  I'm 17 weeks today.

 My sweet boy humored me with a cuddle selfie

Notable achievements of Benjamin this week are that I am now being called Mommy instead of Mama.  I'm not sure what brought that change.  He started back to Kindermusick this week--which he still loves.  We have opted not to send him to Soccer Shots this semester since he does not seem to keen on it at the moment.  

Sorry it's a bit scattered.  It's past my bedtime. ;)